Many of us have been to the funeral of an elderly or distant relative or maybe the funeral of a colleague or old friend. We have been touched by the sadness felt by their loved ones left behind, but we cannot truly comprehend the brutality of grief until it’s our turn to sit on the front pew at the funeral. Nobody can prepare us for when death steals our child.
It is often said that some people never get over the loss of their child, does that mean some people do? I know of people who have lost a loved one and are still angry five years afterwards and others who are still broken decades later. If time was the healer, why are these people still feeling the rawness of grief after so long?
Nothing could have prepared me for the brutality of grief when Matthew died but one thing I discovered is that time is not a healer, we are the healers.
The early days, weeks and months were incredibly hard, but I kept reassuring myself that it wouldn’t always be like that. Each day, no matter how bad I felt, I forced myself to get up, shower and get dressed and I slowly navigated my way through the first stage of grief. That brutal and all-consuming darkness that nothing and no-one can prepare you for. Some days I would take one pace forward and then the next day 10 paces back. It was a constant uphill struggle.
When we talk about bereavement, the phrase ’moving on’ is often mentioned, but there is no magic moment when we decide to do this. Also, moving on means leaving it behind, it’s over, it’s in the past, it’s done, but grief doesn’t work like that. It’s not something you can dump when you’ve had enough. It’s constantly there, pulling at your heart strings. Over time grief does weaken, but time is just the vehicle that navigates you along the journey. How you process grief determines the rate at how fast or slow you evolve. It’s different for everyone, but it never goes away. There is NO moving on!
Moving forward is a much softer and realistic way to explain how grief ebbs and wains.
Moving forward is about carrying the grief and learning to coexist with it.
I will carry my grief with me till the day I die, but I will continue to move forward in the best way I can.
Two years and eleven months on and I am still a work in progress!
I am still healing!
Time is not a healer, we are the healers.
I Will Greet This Day With Love In My Heart.
I will love the sun for it warms my bones, yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.
I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars.
I will welcome happiness for it enlarges my heart, yet I will endure the sadness for it opens my soul.
I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due, yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge.