Grief, and the emotions felt due to a loss, can be incredibly hard to cope with for both the bereaved and for those who are trying to be supportive. Hopefully, with mutual respect and patience, relationships can withstand the pain of loss and in some cases may grow even stronger.
Unfortunately, after losing a loved one, relationships do sometimes break down. The rawness of grief generates many overwhelming emotions and that can make it difficult to think straight. When people are in this vortex of high emotions they may behave differently or say things they would not ordinarily say. Also, the griever may be picking up on a thoughtless comment or get confused by another person’s well-meaning act of kindness. Anything can be a trigger when you are on your knees and your world is crashing down around you.
When a loved one dies, there is nothing anyone can do or say to take away the pain inside. Anger is part of grief and it can be easy to lash out at others. Typically, it is the people we love that get hurt the most. They are probably grieving too and just coping the best they can to survive each day. Grievers close to the deceased will be falling apart and the intense painful emotions is like a time bomb waiting to go off. It does not take much for people to fallout.
How often do you hear about people falling out over the funeral arrangements or not being left something they believe they are entitled to? It is so sad, and some relationships never recover from this fallout. When a loved one dies those closest to the deceased will feel the most intense emotions, but this is a not free ticket to control or claim their loved one’s personal effects. Even if there is a will, this does not offer protection from the fallout of grief. There can still be arguments years later.
The pain of loss does strange things to people but when you have lost someone you love dearly, the fear of losing anything else of theirs is unbearable. This could be anything that connects you, such as a personal effect, or some sentimental item you want to hang on to with all your might. This does not make you a bad person, it just shows how desperate you are to hold onto anything that comforts you and makes you feel closer to the person who died. You need that connection. Your loss is enormous and hard to comprehend and the thought of losing anything else is too much? It is like holding onto some part of the shipwreck to stay afloat.
Letting go is a hard part of the grieving process!
Whether it is their money, their clothes, their possessions, or anything else, it will not take away the pain any less by holding onto these things. Their material things are just “things”. You will always have their memories which are the gifts they have left behind for you to keep. These are the greatest gifts. Our loved one’s things are like the broken parts of a shipwreck but in reality, they are just a distraction.
It is good to have one or two items for sentimental connections but learn to let go of anything else. Do it in your time and when it feels right for you.
You may not want to heal the broken relationships, and maybe that is for the best, but send them loving thoughts. They were connected to the deceased too and you have no idea how they processed their grief. Send them love, send them love, send them love.
Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support; to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.