Reading the inspirational quotes below could potentially re-wire your brain and improve your life. You can use them as a quick - pick me up - because they will instantly make you feel uplifted; even better read them every day and create a new way of changing the neural pathways in your brain which may be keeping you stuck in a negative mindset.
Grief is like a shipwreck:
As for grief, you’ll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it’s some physical thing. Maybe it’s a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it’s a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come ten seconds apart and don’t even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you’ll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function.
You never know what’s going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything…and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
Somewhere down the line, and it’s different for everybody, you find that the waves are only eighty feet tall. Or fifty feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O’Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you’ll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don’t really want them to. But you learn that you’ll survive them. And other waves will come. And you’ll survive them too. If you’re lucky, you’ll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.
© G. Snow via Reddit.com circa 2012. Reprinted with permission
The Twins Parable: “Does Mother Exist? - Is There Life After Birth”
This parable about twins in the womb has been circulating the internet for a few years. I hope it opens up your mind to the possibility that there is no death.
In a mother’s womb were two babies. The first baby asked the other: “Do you believe in life after delivery?”
The second baby replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What would that life be?”
“I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths.”
The doubting baby laughed. “This is absurd! Walking is impossible. And eat with our mouths? Ridiculous. The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after delivery is to be excluded. The umbilical cord is too short.”
The second baby held his ground. “I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here.”
The first baby replied, “No one has ever come back from there. Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery it is nothing but darkness and anxiety and it takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said the twin, “but certainly we will see mother and she will take care of us.”
“Mother?” The first baby guffawed. “You believe in mother? Where is she now?”
The second baby calmly and patiently tried to explain. “She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her there would not be this world.”
“Ha. I don’t see her, so it’s only logical that she doesn’t exist.”
To which the other replied, “Sometimes when you’re in silence you can hear her, you can perceive her. I believe there is a reality after delivery and we are here to prepare ourselves for that reality when it comes…”
“Does Mother Exist? - Is There Life After Birth” was inspired by the short story “Boy and Girl” from “Morphogeny”. Copyright © Pablo J.Luis Molinero, 1980; All rights reserved. Adaption reproduced with permission from Pablo J.Luis Molinero.” For more information visit www.pablomolinero.com
A Letter To My Grief:
I knew you were coming. You’ve visited me before but even though I knew you were coming this time, I wasn’t prepared for you to do your worse. You can be brutal can’t you.
Where do you come from? Where you lurking just around the corner, with the grim reaper, waiting for a tragedy to strike? Do you feed off my sadness? Do you enjoy and embrace your role? When you’ve done your job, will you leave me?
We have been to the darkest depths of my soul together and you have seen me at my worst. I was forced to go on this journey and you have been like super glue every step of the way. I’m through the worst of it now and I want you to know that. We have come a long way together and although you feel like the enemy, we have become old friends.
Sometimes I forget you are there and in those brief moments, I panic. How could I forget you? We have developed a close partnership even though I hated you in the beginning. You made me furious and you tried to break me. Remember those days? There was so much pain in my life and I wanted to die to escape you, but I’m still here and I’m starting to like you now.
I am broken but also mended like a mosaic. I have pieced myself back together and I feel whole again but the cement holding me together is still wet. It is drying but at my speed because I need some control. You controlled the situation for far too long and it’s my turn now, but don’t leave me. Please don’t feel your job is done and abandon me. I am happy with this current version of me and I will continue to update myself as I move forward in my life, but I want to keep holding your hand. I don’t want to lose you yet.
Is it possible to grieve the loss of grief?
Who grieves for you?
I will keep you close, somewhere safe inside and I will love you. There is a home here for as long as you want. I will nurture you and keep you safe. Thank you for being here. You are proof I loved and lost a special person. Is it wrong to start feeling grateful for you? Is that too weird? You haven’t replaced my son and never will but there will always be a place inside for you. You are part of me now and I kinda like that. We can live together and share this body and experience this thing called life.
Can we have a ceasefire please and make peace with each other? I’d like that.
Dearest grief, you have bought so much into my life, please forgive me, I am sorry, thank you, I love you.
Louise Bates x
Our loved ones are in a good place:
My experience on a beach back in June 1999 underpins my belief that our loved ones are in a good place.
It was a moment where time was non-existent, as if time did not exist. It was a connection to an energy, but at the same time I didn’t feel connected; I had an inner knowing that I was this energy. I AM this energy.
I recognised this energy from a time before I was born and something inside me knew I would be this energy when I'm done with this physical body, but at the same time, it was also in me in that moment.
I had an awareness that I was not really this physical body and that this world was just a tiny blip in our existence and in that moment, I knew I was this energy and I experienced my true magnificence.
I was completely at one with everything, but I don’t know, or have the vocabulary to describe the experience. The words pure unconditional love does not do it justice. It was much deeper than anything I had ever experienced as a human, but I recognised it, it was who I truly was without this human entity and in that moment, I understood everything. My human understanding wants to call this energy - infinite consciousness.
Letting Go of Who Am I? - by Sarah Bates
I very recently read an article that came up on my Facebook timeline – a beautiful article about dealing with the death of a friend. It was about grief, friendship, and the pain of loss. I read it, and if I’m honest the first emotion that came up was a kind of bitter anger. I thought “You think *you’re* feeling bad – how do you think their family is feeling?”, as if somehow my grief was more valid than people who were friends with my brother. As if I “deserved” to feel more pain than someone else because I was related to him.
I’m not proud of that reaction. I honestly feel ashamed that I felt that way, because grief is hard and awful, no matter who you were to the person that passed. I sat with the emotion, recognising it for what it was, I realised it was rooted in a jealousy that I had for people who were friends with my brother – they knew him in a whole other way, they had a whole different series of memories about who he was. I remember looking through photographs at his funeral, seeing him drunk and on nights out with his school and university friends, and smiling because this was my brother in a way I had never seen – a regular mid twenty-year-old man who got drunk with his friends. It was funny to see him in that way; not because I didn’t know he did that, but because I never saw that side of him.
I’ve recently had an experience where someone has portrayed me in a very different light to how I see myself. They’ve painted this picture of me as an unpleasant person, and this is who they believe I am. That’s the box they have put me in. It’s hard when you see yourself through someone else’s eyes if that person doesn’t “see” you in the way you hope you come across. But it also shows you that “who you are” is fluid. “Who you are” isn’t fixed; we are complicated, multifaceted people who look different depending on the lens someone else is viewing us through. We have so little control over how people see us, and relinquishing that control is… a little challenging, honestly. Trying to convince other people you’re not a scary beast isn’t worth it, when you could be focussing on building relationships with the people who *do* care about you.
Looking back at the article and the feeling it brought up, I realised that I have been quite selfish about my grief. Grieving is very much a “you do you” thing, where you can’t tell someone else how to do it, everyone just grieves very much in their own way. There’s nothing even remotely wrong with grieving selfishly, if that’s how I needed to do it. But also, I think, I’ve been almost keeping myself from admitting that it was more than just “my brother” that died.
He was something different to each of us, and we all knew him in our own way. But I neglected, I think, to include other people that knew him in their own way. Each individual facet of Matt’s personality was reflected in each of these individuals, and each one of those facets has gone forever. To ignore the grief of people who considered him a friend, or those who considered him an acquaintance, or even those who may not have even liked him very much – is to ignore those parts of who he was.
So when I felt jealous of my brother’s friends for having a different relationship with him than I did, it’s almost like saying their version of him was “wrong”, like who Matt was, was who I saw him as. That idea is like saying who Matt was, was a fixed identity, or like who I am is fixed and my reality is the only reality that matters. In letting go of that control – the control of how we see each other, it rubs up against that same fear of letting go of how people see me. I don’t want to be seen as this awful person that the above person has decided I am, but I can’t control that any more than I can control how my boyfriend thinks that I am wonderful and worth love.
We are not one person or one identity. To hold onto the idea that all we are is in who we think we are is to discredit the complexity of what it means to be human. We put so much thought into our self image, and who we want to be seen as, whether through Facebook or in how we present ourselves in the day to day. We want people to see us in this certain way, our “idealised” self and we make friends with the people who see us in the way we want to see ourselves.
But we have no control over that. And really? Who someone else sees me as is really… none of my business.
Matt connected with so many people through his own writing and his own story; he inspired people and changed lives. He was an incredible person – and he was my younger brother – and whoever he was to you, I hope you can forgive me for my selfish reaction to the grief of other people. And above all, I hope that you find some comfort in your grief. My blog, and my stories, and my illustrations can’t match Matt’s – we are pretty dramatically different people in outlook and writing style, but I don’t want to close off my grief and act like my family are the only people who can feel sad. Sharing your grief, sharing the loss of the person he was to you is to celebrate all of those aspects of who he was. If you need me, I’ll be here.
Tears for Prayers
You know I feel your sorrow
You know I feel your pain
You fear that you have lost me
And we will never meet again.
Maybe you think prayers went unheard
Maybe you've lost your faith
But there is a bigger picture
And your Faith is what it takes.
“Those With Whom We’ve Walked
in Love, We Will See Again”.
This is God’s Divine promise
See, there really is no end.
Don't grieve for me for you must know
I'm in a bright new dimension.
Where beauty fills each joyous moment
Way beyond your comprehension.
So Rest in Peace Dear Loved One
Change your Tears to Prayers.
Know that everyone you say for me
Sends me Peace beyond compare.
For in Heaven time is nothing
You'll know one day for sure,
And there's nothing that will keep me
From holding you once more.
(c) Patricia Mary Finn - Divinerealisation.co.uk Reproduced with permission
I thought of you with love today but that is nothing new,
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence and I often speak your name,
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake with which I’ll never part,
God has you in His keeping and I have you in my heart.
What Is Dying?
A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon,
and someone at my side says, "She is gone".
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all;
She is just as large as when I saw her.
The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her,
and just at the moment when someone at my side says, "she is gone",
there are others who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up the glad shout, "there she comes!"
And that is dying.
A white feather blown from heaven,
Settled nearby on the ground.
Found in the most amazing places,
Letting you know they’re still around.
They know a pure white feather,
Won’t fill your soul with fear.
It’s just a loving gesture,
To let you know they’re near.
Don’t miss these heavenly feathers,
Or the comfort that they bring.
They are sent to you with much love,
From your loved one’s angel wing.
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before only better,
infinitely happier and forever we will all be one together with Christ.
Henry Scott Holland
Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) - Tapping Therapy – Matrix Reimprinting
Throughout my book ‘Letters to Matthew’ I often mention various techniques that I use in my complementary practice, which have become an invaluable tool to help me get to where I am today. These include a tapping technique, also known as Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or FasterEFT and Matrix Reimprinting.
EFT is a constantly evolving technique of which there are many variations, but it is commonly known as Tapping Therapy.
Essentially these techniques address the entire mind/body system which include what you think and how you process your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and past experiences along with how your body responds.
It is a simple but very effective technique which has the potential to release trapped emotions and even clear years of emotional baggage. This became an invaluable tool which helped get me to where I am today. I also worked with other practitioners who guided me in a safe way.
I had to be ready to work with this technique because in the early day days when grief was very raw, I didn’t want to do anything. I wanted to sit in my emotion and feel everything.
In the beginning, it is important to allow yourself to experience the rawness and not try to change anything until you feel ready. EFT is a very transformational technique and grief cannot be rushed!
Matrix Reimprinting is the evolution of EFT.
The theory behind Matrix Reimprinting is that our unconscious minds are all connected through what we call the Matrix or the Field: an understanding common to many philosophies and cultures. The Matrix is a quantum dimension which holds all our individual selves, past, present and future. We call these selves, ECHOs (Energetic Consciousness Holograms). Once in the Matrix, which we can access using past traumatic events as a gateway, we can communicate with other people, including our loved ones who have passed over.
Working with Matrix Reimprinting enables us to re-visit past traumas and events and interact with our ECHOs. We cannot change our past or what’s happened, but we can change how we perceive past events, resolve the trauma and change our perception of these negative memories.
By connecting and communicating with our ECHOs, we are able to understand the decisions we made at the time and create more resourceful interpretations. Together we can generate new pictures and new feelings which create new positive emotions. We can also work with our future ECHOs too.
I was holding onto some very painful memories I had of Matthew regarding his two years of illness, his treatments, experiences and traumas and his unfortunate death. These were memories I couldn’t even talk about without becoming deeply distraught. Matrix Reimprinting allowed me to gently re-visit these dark memories and, in doing that, I connected with my son.
Matthew popped into the Matrix time after time, reassuring me he isn’t suffering now. Each time, I could see his smiling face reminding me that he isn’t there any more in that memory. Each time we connected, he would say, “Come on Mum, you know this stuff. Why are you hanging onto it? Let it go. I’m not there now.” To see him looking so peaceful and happy and to hear his voice gave me great comfort.
I healed the most painful memories easily and in such a short amount of time, which to some people, would seem impossible. And by knocking out the negative emotional intensity of the big ones, lots of other painful memories just collapsed too.
When I think of those memories now, I see Matthew’s smiling face, I hear his voice reassuring me, and I know he is transformed, and so am I.
Imagine you could travel back in time and have a conversation with your younger self. What would you say? The Matrix Reimprinting process allows you to do this. Imagine you could travel into your future too. The Matrix or Field is a place of unlimited potential, as I discovered through my own experiences.
Some people may say I imagined my experiences or that it is just fluffy whoo-hoo nonsense, but it was real for me and it made a massive difference in how I experienced my grief journey and, in the end that’s all that matters. Whatever works for you is the important thing; everyone’s grief is different and different things help different people.
Matrix Reimprinting and other types of tapping therapy are not the cure for grief, because there is no cure. What these techniques did for me, was to help cultivate a different kind of relationship with my son. It allowed me to feel the connection with Matthew which reassured me that he is in a good place and all is well. It also took out those intense overwhelming feelings that come with grief and it helped me to become more emotionally resilient.
It gives me a warm feeling inside to know that I have this deep connection with my son and, although I still miss his physical presence dreadfully every day, I am grateful for Matrix Reimprinting and the various forms of EFT for making that connection happen.
For more information about these incredible techniques check out these links:
Guided meditation downloads. Holistic Relaxation recordings are guided meditations, incorporating visualisation where the listener is taken on a journey. The music has been carefully chosen to create the ideal background and only positive language is used for the guided journeys. These downloads will create a space for you to switch off, relax and rebalance. Grief is such a powerful energy which can be draining and being able to take time out is so important. Which one do you feel drawn to?
Link my downloads page - heathcoteholistics.co.uk downloads
“It is in stillness, in the deep silence of complete bodily relaxation, that our awareness of creation as it permanently is, begins to unfold.”
Wellesley Tudor Pole